Guide to Politics


Austerity: Robbing the poor to pay down the deficit. Oh and it looks like some of that money went to the rich. Don’t know how that happened. So we haven’t really reduced the deficit as much as we said. Never mind.

Bankers: people who caused the financial crash until sufficient time passed for us to blame Labour instead. Great since now bankers are totally innocent we don’t have to work out how to stop them causing the next crash.

Blairite: someone who can’t work out whether it is politically smart to look irretrievably stupid by apologising for something you didn’t do. Very useful idiots on economic issues

Capitalism: what we’re bringing into disrepute.

Compassionate Conservatism: Look we’re not actually gassing any of the people we don’t like, are we?

Conservative Party: party round George’s after we have successfully reduced the income/life prospects of some group who don’t vote for us

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